‘I didn’t know what love was until you came along.’
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Ch. 58
After leaving the breakfast for her, Ning Weijin did not return again and Zheng Dingding saw nothing of him for a few days after that.
Xiao Qiong’s take on this was: ‘You did say that the two of you are from different worlds. How can he ever compromise with you, considering that he’s such a tsundere? Probably decided that he couldn’t adapt to your world, so he just turned and walked off directly.’
Zheng Dingding responded, ‘I suppose so.’
Xiao Qiong sighed. ‘Stop thinking about it, it must be so. My dear, this might be a good thing after all. Are you sure you can stand that personality of his all your life? How do you know that he won’t drive you up the wall until you get another tumour in your breast?’
Zheng Dingding snorted before her voice became dismal as she mm’d softly.
‘Don’t be reluctant. No matter how good he is, it’s no use if he won’t give in to you. This time you even went so far as to set aside your self-respect and bare your heart to him, but he hasn’t done anything despite knowing how you feel. You know what that means. Forget him, my dear, it’s not as though life will be all that different without him.’
Not as though life would be all that different without him.
This pearl of wisdom seemed to be the catchphrase¹ of every observer of love, together with ‘the pain won’t last forever’; ‘not as if one can’t live without the other’; ‘the next one will be better’— but once this person was really not around, only she knew how big a difference it would make.
However, since she had already made things clear to Ning Weijin, she would not regret it and would also accept this outcome.
¹ 口頭禪. If you’re not reading this chapter at hiding in plain sight, it has been stolen and reproduced by novelscraping sites.
Zheng Dingding’s Moody Keycase was selling briskly which kept her occupied in fulfilling a new batch of orders for the next few days. She was kept so busy that she didn’t have time to dwell on anything else until she went rummaging through her storage box one day for a box of fine needles and thread and accidentally came across a handmade toy lying in a corner of the box. She stopped turning things over and picked it up: it was a small life-like doll.
After a second’s pause, she flung it aside and continued to look for her needles and thread.
When she had found her sewing kit, she gathered up all the items strewn across the floor, dumped them back in the box, replaced the lid and pushed it back under her bed.
She dusted her hands off and made a brief humming sound.
Su Mingjuan came over at the weekend as usual and noticed a change in Zheng Dingding which puzzled her. She asked, ‘Did something happen? You don’t seem to be yourself.’
‘How so?’
‘You’re a lot different from the last time I saw you. It’s a bit like the time when you were a student and failed your Science test. You wanted to do your best but couldn’t hide your disappointment.’
As expected of a mother — she could describe her daughter’s state to a tee.
‘Because I don’t have any other choice except to do my best,’ Zheng Dingding responded. ‘Life has to go on. What else can I do except work hard?’
‘So it’s really over between you and Professor Ning?’ Su Mingjuan asked with apparent casualness.
Zheng Dingding put down the product she was working on and replied with a fairly grave expression, ‘Yes, looks like he’s not going to be a part of my life any more going forward.’
‘Then hurry up and give the ring and bank card lying in the drawer back to him. Dingding, we are women with ambition and pride. Since you don’t want him any more, then you shouldn’t be holding on to any of his things.’
‘You’re right, I ought to return those things to him,’ Zheng Dingding resolved.
The next day, she went to the nearest post office and posted a package to Ning Weijin at Tianshui Court.
After doing all that, she let out a breath as though she had just finished saying goodbye to something.
She wandered over to the flower market to buy flowers, then enjoyed a sumptuous seafood hot pot meal alone and also had a red bean matcha ice-cream for dessert after that. She actually felt a tiny spark of happiness after having her fill, feeling that it was time for her to lead a more relaxed lifestyle and start treating herself better.
Upon receiving the card and ring that Zheng Dingding returned, Ning Weijin did not say a word but merely picked up the items and began heading back to his room.
Ning Weixuan, who was munching on an apple while sitting cross-legged on the sofa, commented unhurriedly, ‘This is the outcome you wanted. Insisting on acting as though you can do very well all by yourself and kicking her out of your life. If that’s your original intention, shouldn’t I be congratulating you?’
Ning Weijin’s footsteps did not falter at all as he went straight up to his study where he placed the items down gently on the desk.
Was his original intention to kick her out of his life? After learning that he, and not anyone else, was the only one in her heart? After realising the impact her every word and action had on him?
So why had he been thinking hard about an issue during the last few days: that if he wanted to be with her, how would he fulfil his responsibilities to her for the rest of his life? Could he do so and could he guarantee that he could forgive her every time her way of thinking clashed with his? Was he capable of compromising unconditionally instead of stubbornly adhering to his own code of conduct?
If he couldn’t do it, then there was no need to bother her any longer. But if he could, then it was imperative to get her back.
This was his first experience of love, experiencing the attendant happiness, excitement, impulsiveness, warmth as well as the attendant defeats, setbacks, depression and loneliness.
Love was not the same as work. It had completely exceeded his control and planning, had even interfered with his usual rationality and the principles that he was used to: all these had their origins in the considerable ‘distress’ Zheng Dingding caused him.
She was the first woman he had found ‘pleasing to the eye’. He had found her vaguely familiar upon first seeing her that year when she had shown up at Tianshui Court on the eve of the Qixi festival to make a delivery. But he had not given it a second thought and it could easily have ended there. By sheer chance however, she had wound up at his hospital and he had operated on her. That vague sense of familiarity and attraction had slowly taken hold in his heart. It was only when she had returned the umbrella to him that something had clicked in his memories.
(Flashback. After his mother’s passing, Prof Ning’s been burying himself in his work. One day, he happens to pass by a busy market square and wanders in on impulse. He comes across a teenage Zheng Dingding selling her handmade crafts to a customer and idly listens in on their conversation. Her youthful enthusiasm amuses him faintly and makes enough of an impression that he remembers her.)
…
Ning Weijin picked up the ring again, his thumb and forefinger playing with the simple, clean band. A thought occurred to him: perhaps a promise alone wasn’t enough and since the desire to keep her by his side trumped everything else, then the only way to achieve his goal was to give in to her and compromise.
He looked down and quietly slipped the ring onto his own finger.
(The following Tuesday finds Dingding at a creative fair where she has set up her own booth. The Prof comes up to her and wants to buy the small wool felt doll which is actually a likeness of him. She quotes him an outrageous price and he coolly agrees to go to the bank to withdraw cash. She then sells it cheaply to another customer but he buys it off that person, much to Dingding’s chagrin.)
Ning Weijin tucked the small wool felt doll away securely before taking something out of his pocket and holding it out to her.
‘Why did you return my ring?’
‘Because we’re both from different worlds. There’s no need to force ourselves to be together and since we’ve already made things clear to each other, we shouldn’t be involved in any way any more. You spent money on that but since I don’t need it now, I’m returning it to you.’
‘Different worlds,’ Ning Weijin repeated before stating seriously, ‘Zheng Dingding, if you’re not willing to change and want to stay in your world, then I’ll come over.’
Sunlight was gleaming off the ring at an angle, forcing her to close her eyes. Ning Weijin’s softly uttered yet seriously spoken words tugged at her unprepared² heartstrings.
² 猝不及防. Translation belongs to theresanother(DOT)wordpress(DOT)com.
‘I told you very early on that I’m not an easy person to get along with and I don’t deny that it still holds true.’ His dark eyes had absorbed all the surrounding light and were incomparably bright as he declared, ‘But I want to try changing for you from this moment on.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I’m going to learn how to understand, support and forgive you. Whatever points about me that you don’t like or aren’t satisfied with, I’ll change. It may not happen overnight but given my usual efficiency, I’m sure it won’t take too long. No matter how many incompatible differences we have, I’m confident that I can smooth them over.’
‘Why?’
‘Because only you can cause me to be in a bad mood for a long time which is severely affecting my normal life. I’ve been thinking about it for a few days and come to the conclusion that other than keeping you by my side, there’s no other way to restore my life to normal. And besides, I can’t stand the prospect of you living with another man.’
‘…’
Was this something a sensible person would say?
‘You said that I was your only love; likewise, you’re my only love. I didn’t know what love was until you came along. Maybe I still don’t get it completely, but I promise to do my best.’
His eyes were compelling and every word uttered was deeply moving. ‘Those things that other men can do, I won’t neglect a single one.’
Zheng Dingding was so stunned that it took a while for her to react and ask, ‘For example?’
Then she suddenly seemed to realise that the impossible was in fact happening.
In the dazzling sunshine, the man before her suddenly dropped to one knee, fine dust swirling around him.
‘For example, I’m also capable of extravagant gestures at times.’
While she stood there in sheer amazement, he was already taking her hand, pressing it to his soft lips and kissing her ring finger.
‘Zheng Dingding, I’ll give you the sense of security you want. If you’re willing to give me a chance to prove myself again, I’ll do it until you’re satisfied. I’ll look after you, take care of you, grow old with you. You’ll be the only woman in my life — there won’t be any other. I swear it on my mother’s memory.’
She felt her breath catch.
‘Zheng Dingding, marry me.’
A crowd was already starting to form, attracted by the strange and surprising sight. Some people were already starting to take out their mobile phones and openly film the scene.
She did not know that this was the most frightening thing in his life that Ning Weijin was doing nor that he had used his free time in between his consecutive night shifts to prepare these lines.
Ignoring the gazes of the crowd around them and the growing hubbub, he continued to look down quietly, carefully and reverently kissing her ring finger.
The ring finger was connected to the heart. Zheng Dingding could feel a crack fissuring all the way to her heart and an unending series of shocks running along it. She gazed at the man who was kneeling in the sunshine before her, one knee planted before her foot, reverent and solemn as though in submission while awaiting her answer.
‘What if I don’t agree?’ she asked in turn.
His lips were brushing gently against her ring finger. Upon hearing her provocative question, he considered it before replying, ‘You may not be able to leave if you don’t agree.’
She took the chance to look around them. Almost everyone at the creative fair was clustered round them in a semi-circle that left no gap at all.
‘You can only say yes and then let me carry you out of here.’
‘…’ Zheng Dingding demanded indignantly, ‘Are you proposing to me or forcing me?’
‘I’m proposing,’ Ning Weijin answered. ‘But if you don’t agree, then I’ll continue to try other methods which may be even more reckless.’
‘You’re completely insincere, you’re just up to your tricks, you’re too sly…’
‘Then I’ll just keep kneeling until you get over your crossness.’ Ning Weijin looked up into her eyes. ‘Take it as punishment for the wrong things I did and said.’
‘Then you can keep, can keep kneeling there.’ Mortified, she turned her head aside and muttered under her breath, ‘I’ll see what you can do if I don’t ever let you get up.’
‘All right, if that’s what you want —’ His tone was serene and resolute. ‘Then I’ll just kneel here forever³.’
‘Ning Weijin.’ She turned her head round, stared at him incredulously and gently prodded his knee with the tip of her shoe. ‘Aren’t you being rather shameless?’
‘If being shameless will help me to achieve my goal, then I’m very happy to be so.’
‘…’
³ 天荒地老. Please consider reading from hiding in plain sight rather than from novelscraping sites.
The crowd around them gradually became a blurry sea of people, hot waves rising and falling. Zheng Dingding could not keep up the pretence any longer. Her eyes were teary and her ring finger was trembling.
‘Don’t cry. I won’t force you, I’ll wait until you’re completely willing.’ Ning Weijin’s voice turned very gentle. His eyes were brilliant and he paused his kiss for a moment to add, ‘I won’t rush it this time. I can wait however long it takes.’
(63% || Approx. 2284 | 2425 words)
🎶 《最浪漫的事》, 金志文,《中國好聲音》
|
The Most Romantic Thing |
Sitting back to back on the carpet |
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hiding in plain sight 
Finally!!! The boy thought this through and acknowledged that he has to compromise too!!
I really liked how the author described the crappy feeling of break ups. Yes, one gets over them but they suck! Lol
Thanks for sharing this story! I am enjoying it more than I thought I would!
Have a great day!
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Very hard for him but he finally admitted it 😆 Same here, I enjoyed reading about his real, unacknowledged feelings while he was abroad and seeing how he had to arrive at the conclusion himself. I can relate to his resistance to having his emotional life disturbed, heh.
Glad to hear that you are! Have a lovely day yourself!
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